Shubham | The feeling called life
If we go to the very root of it, where does unhappiness stem from?
In my personal experience, all the times I felt unhappy, it was either because I was not happy with the situation I was in, or I was looking around the world and comparing myself.
We think, “I will be happy after X” or “I will be happy after Y.” But the moment you attain it, it loses its charm. Your horizon shifts, and now you are chasing something else.
In my limited wisdom, I have found that unhappiness is definitely stemming out of Inadequacy.
I invite you to really sit down with this word. Write it down: Inadequacy.
We are not going to fight it. Instead, I’m asking that we marry this word. We embrace it. We give it a nice hug and say, “Oh inadequacy, you are the reason for my unhappiness. Okay, let me just break down what is causing you.”
Most inadequacy comes from a state of comparison. So, let’s do an exercise together. I highly encourage you to switch off your phone, keep all gadgets aside, and get a pen and paper.
We are going to write The 5 Pages of Inadequacy.
Page 1: Emotional Inadequacy
On the first page, write down everything that makes you feel emotionally inadequate. Be honest.
- “I feel unhappy because there’s nobody to hug me.”
- “I feel unhappy because I go back to my bed by myself at night.”
- “I feel inadequate because his girlfriend is prettier than mine.”
- “I feel inadequate because I don’t have a girlfriend at all.”
- “I feel inadequate because I have not done skydiving.”
Just dump everything that hurts emotionally.
Page 2: Financial Inadequacy
Once you’ve written all of that down, turn the page. Now, write down financial inadequacy.
- “I feel inadequate because I don’t have fancy food to eat.”
- “I feel inadequate because I don’t have a car or a superbike.”
- “I feel inadequate because I don’t have a big house.”
- “I feel unhappy because I can’t afford that premium resort.”
Write down all the things you think you lack financially.
Page 3: Professional & Social Inadequacy
On the third page, write all the job-related or society-related inadequacies.
- “I feel inadequate because I don’t have a high-paying job.”
- “I feel inadequate because I don’t have the luxury my friend has.”
- “I feel inadequate because my in-laws say I’m not good enough.”
Even small things have the power to make us feel inadequate, something as small as seeing somebody eating a nice pizza you can’t afford. Write it all down.
Page 4: Physical Inadequacy
On the fourth page, we get personal. Write down your physical insecurities.
- “I feel inadequate because I am overweight.”
- “I feel unhappy because I’m not pretty enough.”
- “I feel unhappy because I don’t have a ‘beach body’.”
Page 5: The Miscellaneous Dump
On the fifth page, just dump everything else. Anything that didn’t fit in the other categories but still makes you feel “less than.” Get it all out of your system.
The Shift: From Inadequacy to Gratitude
Now that you have faced your inadequacy, the real game begins.
Take a fresh page. On the top, write down the first inadequacy from your first page (e.g., “I felt unhappy because I don’t have a pretty girlfriend”).
Now, write down 5 things related to that inadequacy that you are grateful for.
Maybe you don’t have a “pretty girlfriend,” but do you have a partner who takes care of you? Then you are more blessed than you know.
Maybe you are going to bed by yourself, but do you have peace? A lot of couples I see are battling trauma daily. If you are by yourself, you are circumnavigating that trauma. Is that a blessing or an inadequacy?
Look at your physical list. If you are physically specially-abled, I know it is difficult. I have someone in my family who is, and I see the struggle. But even in that inadequacy, there is a hidden power. You have a story that nobody else could have. Own that story.
If you have two hands, two legs, two eyes, and the capacity to speak, you are already wealthy. You are capable of opening your eyes, going for a run, and earning your bread.
The Conclusion
The funny thing about inadequacy is that it is a shifting horizon. The person in the village wants to go to the city. The person in the city wants to go abroad. The loop never closes.
The only person who has the remote control to this is you.
I invite you to do this exercise. Marry your inadequacy. Understand it. And then, flip the script by finding the “Enough” that already exists in your life.
You are so much stronger than you think you are.
Did you try this exercise? Tell me in the comments how it felt to write that first page.
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