Ever woke up in the middle of the night,
Apart from being thirsty, have you ever had the feel of the want to feel a little sad.
and Then there is Pee.
Let’s be honest for a moment and lets lie denying that we never wandered to all the things that happened wrong in our lives.
Let’s go back to those moments when you’re alone in the party with a glass in your hand , and if it’s open air, what sentiments the breeze offers playing on your face apart from your hair?
The moments when we are really somewhere, done something and yet we find a reason or person to yearn for.
Realatable?
There are two kinds of people , Those who are living in the past (Ruminants) and those who have done it already, wasted time tears and emotion, got ripped , got their lessons and are ready to be living. So busy in living today and planning tomorrow that they have no time to live on what has been.
Ruminating and brooding is different from lessons learn and progress.
Its a made up circle, whose circumference we revolve to get the same high as we get from any drug.
Now, understand this that guilt is a very strong emotion, way stronger than gratitude. More wreaths and flowers in cemetery than bouquets on a birthday or a wedding.
It’s like a shot of feeling you ve been so addicted to that living without morose feels incomplete. Add to it some alcohol and Voila! Self made trust issues will make you a different person than you were.
Don’t think can happen to you?
SO did I.
Emergence
Once you observe and understand your need to revisit those corners of your life , you’ll probably realise the need of it which is created by your belief systtem, wisdom or brain. Its like an involuntary stimulus. Observe, and not long enough, you’ll start recognizing the triggers , People, situations and conditions which are precursors to these feelings.
Now, Is it wrong to feel?
NO , absolutely not. What is required is may be just the supervision of entire approach to feel. Sometimes, I’ve realised that these feelings are make beliefs. Your mind tells you that you need a little something and you can’t be entirely, hopelessly and wildly be happy. It puts on check depending on the social feeding.
And then there is society as well, expecting sun and moon from your bluebird.
The true feel of an emotion is in its natural occurrence and not when it is a manifestation of the requirement to feel that way. Think of it like the urge to check the cellphone for new messages. You get that high. The dopamine levels adjust to your new normal and then you breathe the pattern. Anyday without internet seems less livable to you. While the reality still stays outside your four walls.
The sun still shines bright for you and the moonlight still has all the romanticism that was idyllic and contending.
The breeze flows the same way and the birds speak the same language which you’re too busy to hear because of the “NOISE” in your head.
Do yourself a favour.
Disconnect for a while.
That’s what they do in Dopamine Detox. Reclaim your new normal. Identifying your new capacities to focus on something for hours as you do on Instagram or whatsapp.
The Other Hand.
While all this is transpiring, there’s someone who’s been silent all this while while suffering the most.
Your Future Self.
With schemes beating yourself down every alternate occasion for that self made high, you compromised the sanity of a curious mind capable to do anything.
With the enhanced power to learn and grow, yearning since forever to satiate the incredible you in you , to be tapped to its fullest potential, to fly and to exhaust in all the facets, there is a nobody everybosy who’s gonna stick with you despite how you’re preparing it for tomorrow’s.
Your Future self.
It has been suffering from times immemorial just to see you in full flair, where all your capacities are fulfilled in totality and all your facets are springing in full bloom.
Whatever happened to that little self esteem that you always shooed away rapping it in the King’s cloak of ego?
Whatever happened to all the promises you made secretly under the moonlight.
Since when did this Wolf become a cat , lazying around and licking to get a pat or a bread?
Standing up!
Let’s open this by saying this.
Nobody else is going to do your push ups.
Suit up, Its grind season Homie! Your tomorrows, however impredictable they are in the true nature of their existence, they stare you right in your eyes, shouting on your pity potty face,
“You can whine al you want, nothing changes and what you’re doing today will define the way our day after’s treat you and greet you.
Hope its different than this visit.”
and then they vanish.
That’s the beauty about today’s. They run so fast, Its kinda tricky to make it count to have been living that day to its fullest.
But you’re a time bender. Remember? Choosing every second what do you make out of it.
In those choices, will lay all answers to your resurrection.
Its been a while and I ve been harsh with my way of words back there.
But don’t you think its time Man?
Tomorrows are todays decision and its no secret. We progressively decide and choose and work and grow and progress and be there.
Not using the analogy “Rome wasn’t built in a day” because you’ve probably heard it many times and I have my reasons to feel ,you no longer relate to it.
Its now.
As you read this, Its now.
I leave the bag of clothes which can’t contain me anymore,
I leave all the baggage, emotional and mental, behind as I enter into a new phase.
This is what I want you to say to yourself. Repeat aloud, Use a Mirror.Self reflection.
I am in a space where we I am accepting my past exactly as it happened because there is no other better way it could’ve happened and be full of gratitude that it came by or happened in the first place.It gave me lessons, made me smarter and gave me the stuff I needed to work on , a little more.
As I know that the dot’s can only be connected backwards, I have my reasons , and from the higher place I stand now,I can see it clearly exactly how my fate has been aligned to significantly contribute to be where I am, Who I am.
There could be no other way the lessons I learnt in my life could’ve come easier to me. I am full of gratitude for all the people and events in my life that have made me such a wonderful person that has the courage and beauty to reclaim my worth in totality.
I am amazing, Not different than other, nor in the want of it. I am just unique. Different in its own sense. Different in the beliefs, different perception of art , scriptures, books, movies, everything.
Its a beautiful manifestation. In each one of you.
But I am my favorite.
And today, i choose to exercise my choice of taking full control and responsibility of my life.
All the tough times, testing experiences that I have gone through, have only made me wiser, stronger and smarter. I stand with my lessons learned, knowing who to trust and who not to, with filtered friends and realtives and some lovely memories.
I shall cherish and thankfully use all the resources and abundance to claim a life of my choosing.
And I am happy that I was a part of such deepening emotions or tests of my thresholds, and Today I set myself free.
Free to get myself to look after myself and plan my tomorrow’s such that I accomplish all that I require to carve the life that I am so capable of.
Today, I get UP.
Today , I start my way up.”
Amen.
And you’re welcome. 🙂